‘Be it C-section or natural birth, no mother is taking an easy route’

She came from Shimla to Mumbai with dreams of becoming a star, but the path wasn’t easy. A director dismissed Rubina Dilaik, saying she had a ‘negative face’ and would never get to play a protagonist. She proved him wrong with her breakthrough role in the hit daily soap ‘Chhoti Bahu’, later winning acclaim for her portrayal of a trans woman in the social drama ‘Shakti’. The winner of Bigg Boss 14 and mother of twins spoke to Neha Bhayana about pregnancy, parenting and the pressure of being the ‘perfect mother’You are a mom to twin girls, Edha and Jeeva. Is handling twins double the fun or double the trouble?Honestly, it is both. There are definitely moments of complete exhaustion because twins require double the attention, energy, patience, and emotional involvement. But at the same time, it is also double the love, laughter, and joy. Watching them grow together, respond to each other, and develop their own little bond is something incredibly special and heart-warming. Motherhood has completely changed my priorities and perspective towards life. Even on the most tiring days, one smile from them instantly makes everything feel worth it.You are currently on air as host of ‘The Ward’, a new reality show where 10 pregnant women live under one roof for 10 days. What drew you to this show, and what was the biggest takeaway for you based on your interactions with these women?What really attracted me to ‘The Ward’ was the honesty of the concept. Motherhood is often shown in a very polished and idealistic way, but this show explores the emotional, physical, and psychological realities of pregnancy in a much more authentic manner. Surprisingly, it never felt chaotic despite having so many women together because there was a natural sense of empathy and emotional connection between everyone. The biggest takeaway for me was realising how universal certain emotions are during pregnancy. Regardless of backgrounds or personalities, every woman carries similar fears, hopes, anxieties, and emotional vulnerability in that phase.Your work involves long hours of shooting and outstation schedules. How do you deal with mom-guilt and balance your personal and professional life?I think mom-guilt is something almost every working mother experiences silently. Even when you know your children are safe and loved, there’s always a part of you that wonders whether you’re giving enough time or attention. Earlier, I was very hard on myself, but motherhood has taught me that balance doesn’t mean perfection. Some days work needs me more, and some days my daughters become my entire focus. I try to stay emotionally present whenever I’m with them, and I’ve realised that quality of time matters more than constantly measuring quantity.You hosted a podcast called ‘Kisine Bataya Nahi’, where you spoke to famous moms about their motherhood journey. What is it that you wish you had been told before you became a mother?I wish someone had told me that it’s completely okay to not have everything figured out immediately. Motherhood is beautiful, but it is also emotionally overwhelming, confusing, and exhausting at times. There is so much pressure on women to instantly become perfect mothers while still managing every other aspect of life effortlessly. I wish more people openly spoke about postpartum emotions, mental exhaustion, hormonal changes, and the identity shift women go through after becoming moms. Those conversations make women feel less alone.In one episode, you spoke about having a major breakdown and lashing out at your child mid-feed. All moms go through such moments, but few are brave enough to talk about them, worried about being seen as ‘bad mothers’. Do you think it is important to support moms rather than scrutinise them?Absolutely. I think mothers are already carrying an enormous emotional and physical responsibility, and the last thing they need is constant judgment. Every mother has moments of exhaustion, frustration, self-doubt, and emotional breakdown because motherhood is not easy. But unfortunately, society often expects mothers to remain endlessly patient and emotionally composed all the time, which is unrealistic. I strongly believe women should feel safe enough to talk honestly about these moments without fear of being labelled a bad mother. Support, empathy, and emotional understanding are far more important than criticism.You have also talked about how you have become forgetful after becoming a mother. ‘Mom brain’ is a scientifically backed phenomenon, and many women experience absent-mindedness, reduced concentration and brain fog in the postpartum phase. How can one cope?I genuinely think the first step is acknowledging that this phase is real and completely normal. Women go through massive hormonal, emotional, and physical changes after childbirth, so it’s natural for the mind and body to feel overwhelmed. I’ve personally experienced moments of forgetfulness and mental exhaustion, too. Instead of being harsh on yourself, it’s important to slow down, rest whenever possible, ask for help, and stop expecting yourself to function at full capacity immediately. Emotional support from family also plays a huge role in helping women feel mentally lighter during postpartum recovery.You have spoken about your initial difficulty in conceiving naturally. You had been mentally preparing to go for IVF, but then you did conceive naturally. Do you think it is important for couples to be more open and normalise fertility struggles?Absolutely. Fertility struggles are far more common than people realise, but many couples continue to suffer silently because of societal pressure, judgment, or emotional stigma attached to the topic. I think it’s very important to normalise these conversations because infertility or difficulty conceiving does not make anyone incomplete or less worthy. Every couple’s journey is different, and there should be more emotional sensitivity around it. Women, especially, should not feel pressured or constantly questioned about motherhood because those questions can become emotionally exhausting during such a vulnerable phase.You had delivered via C-section. The recovery is often a long and painful process, but many people still perpetuate the notion that women who deliver via C-section are taking the easier route compared to those who have a normal delivery. Your thoughts?I honestly feel this comparison itself is extremely unfair and insensitive. Bringing a child into this world in any form requires immense physical strength, emotional endurance, and courage. A C-section is a major surgery, and the recovery can be physically and mentally very demanding. Women are dealing with pain, healing, hormonal changes, and motherhood simultaneously. No mother is taking an easy route. Every delivery journey deserves equal respect because the destination is the same: bringing life into the world with love and sacrifice.Strict or soft — how would you describe yourself as a parent?I think I’m naturally soft and emotionally expressive as a parent because I want my daughters to grow up feeling emotionally secure and understood. At the same time, I also believe discipline is important because children eventually learn through structure and consistency. So I’m trying to find a balance between being nurturing and being firm whenever necessary. Motherhood is teaching me every day that parenting doesn’t come with a fixed rulebook. You grow and evolve along with your children.What, according to you, is the biggest challenge for today’s parents?One of the biggest challenges today is raising emotionally secure children in a world that is constantly distracted, fast-paced, and digitally overwhelming. Parents today are trying to balance careers, responsibilities, social pressure, and technology while still being emotionally available for their children. Another challenge is the constant comparison culture created by social media, where parenting starts looking like a competition instead of a personal journey. Children today need emotionally present parents more than perfect parents, and maintaining that emotional connection is probably the most important challenge of all.